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5 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life This Month

Hello Kings and Queens!

It is an amazing time to be alive! It really is.

If you are reading this, chances are you live in one of the greatest nations in the world today. Chances are you have clean water, fresh food, shelter, and a source of income that can afford you all of that.

But that doesn’t mean any of it comes easy.

For all of the joys that modern society has allowed us, it also comes with the tradeoff of certain stressors.

Maybe your job is working long hours for work that you don’t enjoy. Maybe you have children that, even though you love them, drive you up a wall. Maybe that nice house comes with a mortgage that is draining you dry.

In addition to many of these external stressors, we often battle our own insecurities on a daily basis.

With all of this going on, it can be hard to make room for some sexy times with your one-and-only (or multiples-and-many). It can seem like sex is just one more thing to add to the list, and we would often either ignore it, or give it the minimal attention required.

Sometimes we feel pressured from our significant other to want to perform, because we don’t want them to feel unimportant. And this stress only makes things worse.

But!

There are solutions you can take that, while maybe not fix everything tonight, may help set you on a path to making sex actually sexy again. Over the course of time.

Here are 5 options you can choose to help improve your sex life over the next month.

  1. Create a Want/Will/Won’t List

    Part of the reason that sex with your partner is stressing you out may be because it is not the right type of sex for you, or the type of sex you want. My advice is to create a Want/Will/Won’t List. The premise is simple. Get a sheet of paper (or posterboard, whiteboard, or an entire wall) and divide it into three sections: what you WANT to do more of in bed; what you’re WILLING to do with your partner, but isn’t at the top of your list; and what you definitely WILL NOT do on a boat, with a goat, in your bed, or in your head. Try to create 30 activities for each list. If you feel like you can’t come up with 30 of each, try breaking down some of your bigger categories into smaller ones (Butt Stuff could be broken down into: Giving [Her], Giving [Him], Receiving [Her], Recieving [Him], Fingers, Vibes, Tails, Plugs, Penises, Pegging, and many many more!). You and your partner each make one, then discuss, and be open. Get into the details of exactly what you want, will, and won’t. It’s your sex life, don’t be afraid to be specific!

  2. Go it Solo for a While

    Sometimes it may help when you feel a lot of pressure to want to have sex with your partner, to try removing your partner from the situation for a while. Make an event of it!  Play some relaxing music, light some candles. Take a hot bath or shower to warm up beforehand. And then, when you are good and ready, take your hand (or dildo, vibrator, fifi, or whatever) and go to town. The same elements that make a romantic date with a partner also make a romantic date with yourself. Take this moment to reconnect with what makes you sexy. Remind yourself about all of the reasons you are amazing. Love the way your hair looks tonight. Enjoy the curve of your own body. After some practice here, you may find it easier to bring these feelings back to your lover, who I promise will be eagerly waiting.

  3. Play (Other sex activity/Dont focus on orgasm)

    When it comes to sex, we have a tendency to slip into the trap of becoming goal oriented. They treat sex like a competition, and if they if orgasm isn’t reached, they are losing. But having sex with orgasm as the goal is a lot like being on The Biggest Loser. As soon as you make the act a competition, you change the rules. You begin to play the game, instead of just play to play. In the Biggest Loser, this leads to stress that will either hinder your results, or send you backwards in your progress. Or you see improvement short term, but it is not sustainable. In Sex, all the same rules apply. Instead, when it comes time for you and your lover to get frisky, instead of playing the game of orgasm, play for the pure joy of playing. Explore each other’s bodies, try something new, make some funny noises. Most importantly, HAVE FUN.

  4. Sleep

    If you don’t know or acknowledge all of the research to support getting adequate sleep each night, I’m not going to list it here now. Look it up yourself and get enough sleep to feel energized the next day. I am serious. I know the world is tugging you in a million different directions, and it seems impossible to fit in more time for sleep. But those issues will still be there in the morning. The question you need to ask yourself is, will you still be if you don’t allow yourself time to rest? You make sure to get enough sleep over the course of a month, and you will see your energy levels,  problem solving abilities, and yes, your sex life drastically improve.

  5. Fast from Sex

    Counter-intuitively, my last suggestion is to take a break from sex entirely. It doesn’t have to be a month. It can be a few days, or a week, or two weeks. But allow yourself time to step back. Every major world religion has some form of Fasting: Islam has Ramadan, Christianity has Lent, and the Bahai Faith just started their 19-day Fast yesterday. The point of a fast is to step back from the thing, gain some perspective on it, and be able to come back to it with a renewed appreciation. When you Fast from eating, you come to your next meal more thankful for it being there. When you fast from sex, you may just enter your next sexual encounter with a little more appreciation for your partner. Many people already do this when one partner goes out of town for a few days or weeks; the absence “makes the heart grow fonder,” and when they finally come back in town… FIREWORKS!  Give it a try. Take a break, but still notice and love and appreciate your partner’s presence, and then when you are ready, come back to them. You might be surprised.

I hope these tips to improve your sex life help. Again, these are not “Quick-Fixes” and aren’t even really “techniques,” but they are behaviors that, given some time, can help you bring a little fire back into your sex life. You Kings and Queens deserve it.

If you have any other questions you want answered, go ahead and drop them in the comments section below, and if you like this post or think someone else could find value in it, go ahead and hit the like button and share on Social Media.

Much Love,

King

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Who is this “King” Anyway? (Part 2)

Hello, Kings and Queens!

On Thursday I posted Part 1 of my personal history, about my formative years that have begun to lead me down my current path. Today we are continuing that saga, talking about the next hurdles I had to overcome in my development before I decided, “Hey, I want to teach SEX for a living.”

Late College Years (AKA: You’re an Asshole)

Understand that before I go any further, there is some overlap in the timeline from the last section into this one. For about a 1-2 years into this phase, I was trying to change and find a lasting approach to finding a partner, but I was still approaching it from the pickup artist mentality. I don’t truly step out of that phase entirely until the end of the Asshole Years here.

Toward the end of my freshman year of college, I had a girlfriend with whom I had my first experience with Intercourse. We had our time together, and then we ended.

I was upset.

Then I moved on.

And as I moved on, and began dating again, I noticed that some of the other girls I was dating had some similar trends.

While I was entirely FASCINATED with learning all I could about sex (even if only to try to be the ego-fueled “rockstar lover”), the people that I was seeing had very conflicting views, or there were things that I was taught or learned that they had never heard before.

And I began to notice a gap.

Both between what I knew and they didn’t, but also between what we both should have known, but didn’t.

This gap didn’t make sense to me.

So I set out to help educate the girls I was with.

But keep in mind, I was still using a “Pickup Artist” mindset, which only meant trying to manipulate external behaviors to get a surface result.

Now not only was I manipulating to get someone into bed, but now I was manipulating them once there. To what I wanted.

If you think this wreaked havoc for more than one relationship, you’d be right.

This is why I call this point in my life the Asshole Years.

The Loneliest Christmas Ever (It gets better, I Promise)

It all came to a head when one particularly tumultuous relationship ended a week before Christmas, two years ago.

I was shattered.

Then, on Christmas Eve, I had a breakthrough.

I will probably cover it in more detail at a future date, but it was this Christmas that I realized I needed to change me.

Not in a self-judgmental way, but with compassion.

And I realized that I had to treat all of my future significant others with that same compassion.

The “Secret” to finding the girl of your dreams isn’t some set of the right words, or the right cologne with pheromones to try to catch her attention.

The Secret is to be compassionate with your partner.

So I made some changes. To me. And it worked

Less than five months after having this epiphany, I met my current girlfriend of now two-years. And I have never been happier.

Because I show her compassion, even when it means I may not get what I want.

I hope some of what I said has resonated with you.

Maybe you’ve been through a similar experience,or maybe you were on the opposite end of my experience.

Maybe you’re searching for the partner of your dreams, but don’t like the shallow approach so many magazines and articles tout as the solution.

So much suffering is caused by a lack of proper information.

Such a lack greatly influenced me and my partners, though not always in a positive way. Sometimes, that left suffering in its wake.

My mission with this channel is to try to end that suffering, by educating people both with scientific fact, as well as my own experience to serve as an example.

Do I have specific qualifications? No, not yet.

But I want to make sure that nobody else has to suffer because they didn’t know any better.

And I hope you’ll join me.

 

 

If you liked this article, or know somebody that could gain value from it, please press the like button and share on social media. Also, check out my Youtube Channel. And If you have any suggestions or questions for future topics, please sound off in the comments section below.

 

Much Love,

King.

Who is this “King” Anyway? (Part 1)

Good afternoon, fellow Kings and Queens!

Before we go any further in our relationship, I feel it necessary to introduce you a little more to myself, so you get to know who I AM, and don’t just think me just some whackjob typing away at his computer.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am a whackjob typing away at his computer, but I want you to be able to understand WHY I am so.

High School and Early College (AKA: The Pre-Awesome Years)

Believe it or not, I was not always the steaming hunk of sex-nerdiness and love that you see before you today.

I was what some call a bit of a late bloomer.

In high school, I was always interested in girls, and had a few girlfriends with whom I had my first pseudo-sexual experiences (I thank you all for putting up with pubescent me), but was never the most popular guy that had all of the ladies flocking around me.

And to give you an idea of just how NOT of the popular guy I was, here is a picture of me from my freshman year.

Who is this "King" Anyway
Yes. That is me thinking I am cool wearing Abercrombie and Fitch… and a TRILBY!

No. Like many highschoolers, I was curious yet awkward about the intricacies of courtship and the opposite sex (or courting the same sex for some of you). I was in Choir AND Theatre, and was on the JV Swim Team (I’m actually really proud of that one. I won first place in my District one year in the 100yd Butterfly)

But back to Dating!

Eventually, after tip-toeing through four years of high school, I fell head first into the college experience…

Except instead of doing keggers and banging sorority chicks I was the guy on the sidelines awkwardly asking girls to dance and getting politely turned away from.

After realizing that even though I had left high school behind, i was still ME, i got really into studying pickup artists on the internet and youtube. I bought several courses on how to attract and pick up women because I just wanted to improve my level of confidence.

After a while of subscribing to the teachings of certain youtubers that demonstrated how to get a girls phone number in one go, and other various pickup practices, I began to become disillusioned with it all. As I practiced these methods, I began to realize that all of these teachings were merely techniques.

They were shallow strategies used to attract a woman, based on your behavior from the outside-in. They were manipulations meant to play with a girls emotions. and they didn’t even WORK that well.

I didn’t feel good doing all of this. Over time I realized that true happiness; the toolkit to find a partner that will stick by you through thick and thin, or even better: the toolkit to being okay without a partner, had to come from the inside-out.

This required a sense of confidence and self acceptance that the pickup artists on the internet simply cannot replicate or sustain in their viewers.

So I sought out to change that in myself.

 

I will discuss more of that, and more of how despite my best intentions, I don’t really escape this phase of my life for a bit longer. Till then, thank you all for your support thus far. Leave a comment below if you have a topic you want me to cover, and feel free to share this post on Social Media.

 

Much Love,

King

Moonlight Movie Review: A Look at Gay-Bashing

Hello Kings and Queens!

This past week I went to a screening of the movie Moonlight, which follows a young man as throughout various stages of his adolescent life and into his adulthood.

Seems innocent, right? Seems a little like a another version of the other adolescent-tracking movie a few years ago, Boyhood.

But there are a few things about this film that bring it a little more to the fringes. Beware of spoiler alerts for the movie below…

First off: the protagonist, Chiron, is a shy 8-year old black child, living in the bad part of a southern east-coast town (I always thought Miami, but it is never explicitly stated), who in his youth is shoved around by some of the bigger kids. At first, you wonder what they could have against him. Yes, he is a little awkward, but otherwise, perfectly normal. Then as characters around Chiron begin to interact, they reveal that the teasing and taunting of the other children is because Chiron is gay. But he doesn’t know this yet, or understand it.

You feel his plight for wanting to know what it is about himself that doesn’t seem to fit in with the other kids. You hurt for him when, after an insult is hurled at him, he turns to his parental figures in the movie and asks them with quiet desperation, “What’s a faggot?”

He wants to know his truth. He is hurting to know, and sadly you cannot help him from where you are.

A few years pass, and we catch glimpses of Chiron in high school. During this time he is still as awkward and withdrawn, if not more so, due to the constant teasing and even threats thrown at him by his more brutish classmates. After all of these years, Chiron still seems conflicted. He may or may not know the truth of his sexual orientation yet, but that doesn’t matter. Even if he did, he would not be able to come out and state it. He fears too greatly the backlash from his bullies if the rumors they threaten against him were confirmed.

Then, right as Chiron was on the brink of self-discovery and acceptance, a group assault by the aforementioned bullies send him spiraling into repression of his feelings for the next 10 YEARS.

I wont give away the end of the movie, but the story presented here is tragic, and in more ways than the single issue of gay-bashing on which I am focusing.

Each of the characters come through with complex depth; their subdued performances meshing perfectly with the subtle arc of the plot, creating a movie that is more real than it is film. There were more messages and issues that this film hits home on than I have space here to deliver.

But through all of this, the thought that stuck most in my brain was…

“If this kid had just grown up in a culture that was more accepting…

If culture at large was more accepting, this child would not have grown up with such a sense of self-loathing.”

This narrative is all too common, even in 2017 United States. Children are conditioned to hide or hate who they are and what they feel in their bodies…

In their hearts.

Because society around them fears them and who they love.

It is something I aim to stop through education.

It is the purpose of this channel.

To educate the world of the reality and NORMALITY of the Human Sexual Experience in all of its wondrous variety.

It is my hope, fellow Kings and Queens, that we can grow into a society that is overall more accepting and loving of ALL different kinds of people throughout the world.

When we can do that, to love each other, not just because of our differences, but BECAUSE of our differences, I believe suffering like the kind Chiron experienced in the movie Moonlight can come to an end.

Much Love,

-King

 

If you guys liked this or want to ask a question for a future blog post, drop it down in the comments below. And don’t forget to like and share this post on Social Media. Help spread the word to help others find the Kings and Queens inside of them.

 

Resources for COMPREHENSIVE Sex Ed

Afternoon, fellow Kings and Queens.

Whether you were with a partner, or connecting with your own Inner Lover, I hope your Valentine’s Day was fantastic. I hope you did something to nurture and care for yourself. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, take a look at Monday’s post.

Last week, we discussed the current shortcomings of Sex Education in America (Parts 1 & 2). It was a pretty bleak picture, the one that I created, but one that I truly felt showcased the vast need of improvement in the way that we as a culture talk about Sex and Sexuality.

But I think it is time we add a bit of light and color to that bleak picture, so this post is all about the GOOD news about the current state of Sex Ed.

First up, let’s take a look at my favorite example of Sexuality Education done OH-SO-RIGHT.

The Netherlands has an entire week, called “Spring Fever“, similar to the Red Ribbon Week taught in many American Schools, only instead of discussing the dangers of drugs, the program, starting as early as age 4 and going all the way through secondary school teaches about love, healthy relationships, and yes, a little bit of sex for those who are mature enough to handle it.

I strongly encourage you take a read of this article before you proceed, so as to gain a greater understanding.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/spring-fever/

In the article, there are a couple of important points that I find exemplify all that American schools have the potential to become:

  1. They start teaching kids age appropriate material at an early age
  2. There is an emphasis on autonomy and the choice of the individual (They are familiar with their bodies and taught how to take ownership of them)
  3. They are taught what a healthy relationship looks like.
  4. While kids are encouraged to wait to have sex until they can handle the responsibility it entails, sex is shown to be FUN!

So that is some good news.

There are some people who are doing it right. And that means we have a model to build toward and upon.

However, that does not this model can happen overnight. It will take hard work, dedication.

There will be roadblocks.

There will be those that would opt for ignorance because they fear the unknown. Or they fear discovery of themselves.

But the other good news is that with persistent effort, change WILL come.

And for those of you that want to pioneer the way with me, there are endless resources to draw from!

Dr. Emily Nagoski has a fantastic book “Come As You Are,” and gives an excellent TED talk on Unlocking the Door to Your Authentic Sexual Wellbeing.

Matter of fact, almost all of the TED talks on sex are great resources.

Dr. Lindsey Doe has a Youtube Channel that covers sexual topics in a fun and informative way.

There are websites like those I’ve listed in my previous posts that promote a healthy sexual nature.

Countless authors and books.

Countless demonstrators and educators.

Text Books and College Courses.

But even more important than them…

Is YOU.

All of these things are worthless, if you don’t use them.

Each and every one of you reading right now have the power within you and at your fingertips to be a catalyst for change.

All you have to do is educate yourself on the truth…

And not be afraid to share it.

 

-KING

 

If you liked this post or have a question you’d like to ask, drop it in the comments section, and I’ll make a post about it. And if you think this can bring value to someone else, give it a share on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or other social media.

Much Love…