6 Shortcomings of Current Sex Education (Part 2)

Good afternoon, fellow Kings and Queens. Earlier this week, we touched at the immense joy that having a fully-fleshed out sexual experience can do for an individual.

We also started talking about some of the greatest obstacles in the way of Americans receiving a kick-ass Education about sex. And when we can overcome those obstacles, that will in turn lead to a kick-ass healthy sexual society. As a Whole.

And I promise, more of the posts will be on the former, but first we have to diagnose the causes of pain before we can prescribe a remedy.

4) When Contraception IS Discussed, It is Not Shown Favorably

 Last time we spoke of Abstinence only education, and the actual damage that it can cause, against which it was originally supposed to protect.

Some schools however, are taking a brief moment to talk about other forms of contraceptive.

That’s good, right?

Well… Yes and no.

While some schools are taking the time to mention other contraceptives, like condoms or birth control, they are mostly glossing over the information, only to emphasize how INEFFECTIVE they are.

Schools may say “condoms are prone to breaking” or “XYZ contraceptive can cause fertility problems further down the road,” with a greater emphasis placed on abstinence in place of these other methods.

TO BE CLEAR…

These statements are simply not true.

Many contraceptives, when used properly, have an effectiveness rates between 90-99%, and even when used improperly, reduce your risk of pregnancy or STIs by 75% or more.

To liken to the metaphor from last installment, where we said abstinence only education was like sending our youth into battle without armor, this is again like teaching them briefly that “Armor and weaponry exists, but it wont save you from 100% of sword attacks, so forget that and charge forward bare-breasted into the world.”

There is a disconnect.

For those of you that see this, and wish to educate and defend yourselves, Bedsider.org has a great resource to visually observe what contraception options are out there, the pros and cons of each, and their effectiveness.

5) Stick of Gum

Let’s pop back in time a bit.

14 years.

On June 5, 2002 a forteen year old girl named Elizabeth Smart was abducted from her home in Utah, and held for nine months against her will, during which time she was repeatedly raped and threatened, until she was finally rescued by police on March 12, 2003.

Fast forward several years later, and Elizabeth is now an advocate for victims of human trafficking and abduction.

If you want to see a young lady that has faced her demons, learned to love herself, and grown into a Queen, look at Elizabeth Smart.

During one of her speaking engagements at Johns Hopkins (I’ve included her full speech here, but the moment I am focusing on starts at about the 10 minute mark), she mentions that when she was in school, she was taught that having sex before marriage was like being a chewed up piece of gum.

That if she engaged in sexual activities before marriage, she was automatically DEVALUED as a human being.

“And who is going to want [me] after that?”

Imagine the heartache that it must be for someone who, in a situation like that, has no control over what is happening to their body…

But the trauma does not just stop with Elizabeth Smart.

Countless metaphors taught all over the country illustrate how premarital sex makes them less valuable.

From a piece of tape that loses is “bonding power” after sticking to multiple people,

To even a pair of dirty sneakers…

How would you feel if you or your child were compared to a set of dirty sneakers?

The rhetoric that revolves around premarital sex is not only ineffective (the average age of first sexual contact is around 17), but is harmful for their continuing sense of self worth.

Sex should not be a Shameful activity.

One should be able to have a healthy sex life, and their sex and relationship with society or even spirituality can coexist peacefully.

Even flourish.

But this rhetoric around how Sex DEVALUES someone has to end,

and then we can all move towards a new understanding about what it means to be human.

 

6) There is No Talk of what a Healthy Relationship Looks Like

Just like how many young people turn to porn to learn about how sex is “supposed” to be, many others learn about what an ideal relationship is through…

you guessed it.

Film and television.

They see their teenage heartthrobs on screen, the passionate woahs of their high-and-low, on-and-off onscreen romance.

And they believe that is what a relationship is “supposed” to look like!

I am guilty of both.

A few years ago, I had a penchant for BDSM porn and a little TV show called “How I Met Your Mother,” during which a young man, in pursuit of finding his soul-mate, falls hopelessly in love with just about every woman he encounters. That was my templates for how my life should have been. 

If that seems like an odd combination, that’s because it IS.

And it didn’t work well for relationships either.

It wasn’t until I could separate what was fiction from reality, which included actually cutting back on my consumption of both material, that I could begin to have a healthy relationship.

Here’s the thing…

I had to discover it on my own. I was never taught the dynamics of a healthy relationship in school.

And I would guess to say that many of you didn’t either.

If your High School was anything like mine (And keep in mind that I went to one of the largest, most progressive schools in the state of Texas) the only real talk about relationships we received was for the week in Health Class freshman year, when they teach you “Having sex will put unnecessary strain on your relationship.”

That was it.

And while I agree that there is definitely some wisdom in waiting until you are mature enough to process the feelings that will inevitably go along with sexual exploration, a more thorough explanation is merited for teens and young adults.

Explanation that includes:

“Should you choose to have sex, here is what a healthy approach to it might look like.”

“This is what informed, enthusiastic consent looks like.”

“Acknowledge the fact that your partner is human. They are not perfect. Have patience for them.”

And on…

Sex, as it is today, is simply taught as a barrier to a healthy relationship. Not only is that not true, but can help bolster and strengthen a healthy relationship…

IF we know what a healthy relationship looks like.

That is where it starts.

This list is far from comprehensive, and is so far only limited to MY perspective and experience. There are issues of LGBTQ inclusiveness that I haven’t covered, and countless more.

The truth is, I could write a dozen Blog posts over each and every one of these.

That will come with time.

For now though, I think this is a good start.

If we as a society can tackle some of the issues presented here, with the overall health and happiness of our youth in mind, we can start to move towards a society brimming full of Kings and Queens that are excited to share their love with the world.

If you think this will add value to somebody: Like, Comment, or Share to spread the Love.

And if you have any topics in particular you want covered, or questions you would like answered, drop it down in the comments below or contact me through the portal here, and I will work on an answer for you.

Much Love,

King

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6 Shortcomings of Current Sex Education (Part 1)

Kings and Queens.

Welcome back for the second installment of Kingly Love.

The world we live in today is one full to the brim with beauty to explore.

From a song on the radio that softens your soul or lights a fire in your belly,

To a sunset of beautiful caramel,

6 Shortcomings of Current Sex Education

To (as some of you sexy kings and queens know) the gentle touch of a lover’s caress.

If you haven’t had that experience yet, that is okay. Your time will come, and rest assured that when it does happen for you, it is one of the greatest joys you will know in life.

Unfortunately, for all of the joy that such an experience offers, far too many of us are left to blindly fumble around, risking serious harm to ourselves and others; those that we care about the most.

Why, you ask?

Because we are not Taught about HOW to to navigate the realm of our sex and sexuality. Society as a whole (especially here in the U.S.) has taught us that Sex is something to fear or completely ignore altogether.

They would have you bottle up one of the most core aspects of what it means to be human and fit inside of a predetermined box that they have designated for you, only when they tell you you can have it.

This approach leaves a many young and even some old people still afraid of their bodies, simply because they were never TAUGHT. In our unwilling ignorance, we can become scared or angry, and cause ourselves and others a great deal of pain retrying to navigate it all.

In order to help illuminate a pathway for you to follow, or at least point out the potholes along your journey, here are the 6 areas where the Current Sex Education system falls a little short of the mark.

I will be presenting this in two parts: three today, and another three on Thursday.

1) It is Always Somebody Else’s Responsibility

Ā Parents think schools should teach about sex. Schools thinks parents should. Both think the church should. If a school does try to teach it, some parents pull their kid out of class to NOT teach it.

Nobody can agree on whose responsibility it is to teach the next generation about sex. This leads to confusion, not knowing where to turn to ask even the simple questions like “what is a boner,” much less the hard questions like “why did he break my heart, daddy?”

This can lead a child to the only place where they can ask a question without fear of being judged:

the internet.

More and more children, and as much as 60% of college children are turning to pornography as a form of education. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with pornography, the scenes depicted are theatrical.

They are for show.

They should not be your ONLY source of education.

Ironically, the worlds largest porn-producer in the world, Pornhub, has noticed this trend, and has risen to the occasion.

Realizing that nobody else would heed the call, they have created their own sex-education website, called the Pornhub Sexual Wellness Center. Here, they can read Q&As with a licensed sex therapist, read articles about sexual and relationship health, and even occasionally get a few steamy tips and tricks for those who want them. šŸ˜‰

Some people might find that objectionable, to them I say…

Then WE need to teach our kids SOMETHING.

2) No StandardizationĀ 

A slight offshoot of point 1, another glaring problem with the current system is that when schools do decide to teach sex Ed, the topics actually covered can vary wildly.

Out of all 50 states, only 22 require that Sex Education be mandated, and according to the Guttmacher Institute, only 13 states require that the information be MEDICALLY ACCURATE.

What is being taught in schools about sex… about what is means to be HUMAN… isn’t even based in truth.

Without a solid foundation of knowledge, how can we ever expect our children to practice WISDOM when dealing with matters of the body and heart, as is often the case with sex?

3) Abstinence-Only Education

I am not bashing on abstinence as a solid form of birth control. As a matter of fact, it IS the only 100% proven way to prevent pregnancy and STIs.

However, study after study have proven that Abstinence-Only Education does not actually lower the rate of sexual activity among teenagers. In fact, what this all-or-nothing approach does is increase pregnancy and STI rates, since the participants don’t know there are tools to help protect them.Ā 6 Shortcomings of Current Sex Education

Tools like Condoms (both In- and On-), Dental Dams, Birth Control, Diaphragms, Even the Pull-Out Method have all been shown to decrease risk of pregnancy.

But when you’re just told “don’t do it,” there is not a lot of wiggle room. Teens are still going to have sex, only now they are not protecting themselves. You are essentially sending them into battle with no armor.

Not to mention the psychological damage that can be caused to children. When we tell them “Having sex is bad. Don’t do it,” we run the risk of creating cognitive dissonance between what they have been told, and what feels good in their bodies.

Many stories have been told of young men and women who, raised in strict homes, could not consummate their love with their partner upon their wedding, because the psychological trauma of how they had been raised was creating roadblocks now that their sexuality was suddently “Okay.”

They become detached from their impulses, learn not to trust their senses, and can ultimately lead to problems when it finally is “appropriate” for them to begin being intimate.

These factors, along with the three other shortcomings we will discuss on Thursday, present some serious challenges for the individual trying to navigate the sea off possibilities.

However, there is hope, young Kings and Queens. There are always resources to find the answers you seek if you simply ask, and there are positive changes being made in the Sex Education field. We will discuss those at length next Monday.

Much Love,

King