Who is this “King” Anyway? (Part 2)

Hello, Kings and Queens!

On Thursday I posted Part 1 of my personal history, about my formative years that have begun to lead me down my current path. Today we are continuing that saga, talking about the next hurdles I had to overcome in my development before I decided, “Hey, I want to teach SEX for a living.”

Late College Years (AKA: You’re an Asshole)

Understand that before I go any further, there is some overlap in the timeline from the last section into this one. For about a 1-2 years into this phase, I was trying to change and find a lasting approach to finding a partner, but I was still approaching it from the pickup artist mentality. I don’t truly step out of that phase entirely until the end of the Asshole Years here.

Toward the end of my freshman year of college, I had a girlfriend with whom I had my first experience with Intercourse. We had our time together, and then we ended.

I was upset.

Then I moved on.

And as I moved on, and began dating again, I noticed that some of the other girls I was dating had some similar trends.

While I was entirely FASCINATED with learning all I could about sex (even if only to try to be the ego-fueled “rockstar lover”), the people that I was seeing had very conflicting views, or there were things that I was taught or learned that they had never heard before.

And I began to notice a gap.

Both between what I knew and they didn’t, but also between what we both should have known, but didn’t.

This gap didn’t make sense to me.

So I set out to help educate the girls I was with.

But keep in mind, I was still using a “Pickup Artist” mindset, which only meant trying to manipulate external behaviors to get a surface result.

Now not only was I manipulating to get someone into bed, but now I was manipulating them once there. To what I wanted.

If you think this wreaked havoc for more than one relationship, you’d be right.

This is why I call this point in my life the Asshole Years.

The Loneliest Christmas Ever (It gets better, I Promise)

It all came to a head when one particularly tumultuous relationship ended a week before Christmas, two years ago.

I was shattered.

Then, on Christmas Eve, I had a breakthrough.

I will probably cover it in more detail at a future date, but it was this Christmas that I realized I needed to change me.

Not in a self-judgmental way, but with compassion.

And I realized that I had to treat all of my future significant others with that same compassion.

The “Secret” to finding the girl of your dreams isn’t some set of the right words, or the right cologne with pheromones to try to catch her attention.

The Secret is to be compassionate with your partner.

So I made some changes. To me. And it worked

Less than five months after having this epiphany, I met my current girlfriend of now two-years. And I have never been happier.

Because I show her compassion, even when it means I may not get what I want.

I hope some of what I said has resonated with you.

Maybe you’ve been through a similar experience,or maybe you were on the opposite end of my experience.

Maybe you’re searching for the partner of your dreams, but don’t like the shallow approach so many magazines and articles tout as the solution.

So much suffering is caused by a lack of proper information.

Such a lack greatly influenced me and my partners, though not always in a positive way. Sometimes, that left suffering in its wake.

My mission with this channel is to try to end that suffering, by educating people both with scientific fact, as well as my own experience to serve as an example.

Do I have specific qualifications? No, not yet.

But I want to make sure that nobody else has to suffer because they didn’t know any better.

And I hope you’ll join me.

 

 

If you liked this article, or know somebody that could gain value from it, please press the like button and share on social media. Also, check out my Youtube Channel. And If you have any suggestions or questions for future topics, please sound off in the comments section below.

 

Much Love,

King.

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Who is this “King” Anyway? (Part 1)

Good afternoon, fellow Kings and Queens!

Before we go any further in our relationship, I feel it necessary to introduce you a little more to myself, so you get to know who I AM, and don’t just think me just some whackjob typing away at his computer.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am a whackjob typing away at his computer, but I want you to be able to understand WHY I am so.

High School and Early College (AKA: The Pre-Awesome Years)

Believe it or not, I was not always the steaming hunk of sex-nerdiness and love that you see before you today.

I was what some call a bit of a late bloomer.

In high school, I was always interested in girls, and had a few girlfriends with whom I had my first pseudo-sexual experiences (I thank you all for putting up with pubescent me), but was never the most popular guy that had all of the ladies flocking around me.

And to give you an idea of just how NOT of the popular guy I was, here is a picture of me from my freshman year.

Who is this "King" Anyway
Yes. That is me thinking I am cool wearing Abercrombie and Fitch… and a TRILBY!

No. Like many highschoolers, I was curious yet awkward about the intricacies of courtship and the opposite sex (or courting the same sex for some of you). I was in Choir AND Theatre, and was on the JV Swim Team (I’m actually really proud of that one. I won first place in my District one year in the 100yd Butterfly)

But back to Dating!

Eventually, after tip-toeing through four years of high school, I fell head first into the college experience…

Except instead of doing keggers and banging sorority chicks I was the guy on the sidelines awkwardly asking girls to dance and getting politely turned away from.

After realizing that even though I had left high school behind, i was still ME, i got really into studying pickup artists on the internet and youtube. I bought several courses on how to attract and pick up women because I just wanted to improve my level of confidence.

After a while of subscribing to the teachings of certain youtubers that demonstrated how to get a girls phone number in one go, and other various pickup practices, I began to become disillusioned with it all. As I practiced these methods, I began to realize that all of these teachings were merely techniques.

They were shallow strategies used to attract a woman, based on your behavior from the outside-in. They were manipulations meant to play with a girls emotions. and they didn’t even WORK that well.

I didn’t feel good doing all of this. Over time I realized that true happiness; the toolkit to find a partner that will stick by you through thick and thin, or even better: the toolkit to being okay without a partner, had to come from the inside-out.

This required a sense of confidence and self acceptance that the pickup artists on the internet simply cannot replicate or sustain in their viewers.

So I sought out to change that in myself.

 

I will discuss more of that, and more of how despite my best intentions, I don’t really escape this phase of my life for a bit longer. Till then, thank you all for your support thus far. Leave a comment below if you have a topic you want me to cover, and feel free to share this post on Social Media.

 

Much Love,

King

Resources for COMPREHENSIVE Sex Ed

Afternoon, fellow Kings and Queens.

Whether you were with a partner, or connecting with your own Inner Lover, I hope your Valentine’s Day was fantastic. I hope you did something to nurture and care for yourself. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, take a look at Monday’s post.

Last week, we discussed the current shortcomings of Sex Education in America (Parts 1 & 2). It was a pretty bleak picture, the one that I created, but one that I truly felt showcased the vast need of improvement in the way that we as a culture talk about Sex and Sexuality.

But I think it is time we add a bit of light and color to that bleak picture, so this post is all about the GOOD news about the current state of Sex Ed.

First up, let’s take a look at my favorite example of Sexuality Education done OH-SO-RIGHT.

The Netherlands has an entire week, called “Spring Fever“, similar to the Red Ribbon Week taught in many American Schools, only instead of discussing the dangers of drugs, the program, starting as early as age 4 and going all the way through secondary school teaches about love, healthy relationships, and yes, a little bit of sex for those who are mature enough to handle it.

I strongly encourage you take a read of this article before you proceed, so as to gain a greater understanding.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/spring-fever/

In the article, there are a couple of important points that I find exemplify all that American schools have the potential to become:

  1. They start teaching kids age appropriate material at an early age
  2. There is an emphasis on autonomy and the choice of the individual (They are familiar with their bodies and taught how to take ownership of them)
  3. They are taught what a healthy relationship looks like.
  4. While kids are encouraged to wait to have sex until they can handle the responsibility it entails, sex is shown to be FUN!

So that is some good news.

There are some people who are doing it right. And that means we have a model to build toward and upon.

However, that does not this model can happen overnight. It will take hard work, dedication.

There will be roadblocks.

There will be those that would opt for ignorance because they fear the unknown. Or they fear discovery of themselves.

But the other good news is that with persistent effort, change WILL come.

And for those of you that want to pioneer the way with me, there are endless resources to draw from!

Dr. Emily Nagoski has a fantastic book “Come As You Are,” and gives an excellent TED talk on Unlocking the Door to Your Authentic Sexual Wellbeing.

Matter of fact, almost all of the TED talks on sex are great resources.

Dr. Lindsey Doe has a Youtube Channel that covers sexual topics in a fun and informative way.

There are websites like those I’ve listed in my previous posts that promote a healthy sexual nature.

Countless authors and books.

Countless demonstrators and educators.

Text Books and College Courses.

But even more important than them…

Is YOU.

All of these things are worthless, if you don’t use them.

Each and every one of you reading right now have the power within you and at your fingertips to be a catalyst for change.

All you have to do is educate yourself on the truth…

And not be afraid to share it.

 

-KING

 

If you liked this post or have a question you’d like to ask, drop it in the comments section, and I’ll make a post about it. And if you think this can bring value to someone else, give it a share on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or other social media.

Much Love…

How to Connect with your Lover this Valentine’s Day

Kings and Queens,

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A day dedicated to celebrating your lover and all of the warmth and joy that they bring to your life.

A day where you pull out all of the stops to make your lover know how important they are in your life.

This day as a celebration of Lovers dates back to 3rd Century Rome, where a Catholic Priest, Valentine, performed marriages in secret, despite laws that forbade marriage at the time.

But this post is not exactly about romantic love with a partner.

No, the roots of this day go even deeper.

Further than any singular historical event, the roots of Valentine’s day lie within each of us.

We all have this innate desire to love and be loved in return. To experience joy in the world, through the world, and within and through ourselves.

I call this drive… This desire…

The Lover Energy.

This is one of four major archetypal energies that Robert Moore PhD claims is present in all of our psychology (The others being the King, Warrior, and Magician. We will cover these more later). They are patterns that have shown themselves evident through countless telling and retelling of stories through cultures around the world.

Every culture has a story or stories of the Lover.

Because there is a Lover in all of us.

And with Valentine’s Day around the corner, what better time may there be to nurture and give thanks to the Lover Within?

How might I do this, you ask?

Maybe you’re not the romantic type, and maybe buying roses for yourself or getting dinner for one seems a little weird. Especially if you’re single this Valentine’s Day.

But it doesnt have to be.

The Lover Energy, in addition to being the energy that connects you to another person, also allows you to connect with the entire world.

It is what allows you to empathize with a friend or stranger, and share their experience.

It is what allows you to close your eyes and sway to your favorite song.

It is what allows you to appreciate the beauty of a gorgeous sunset from a hilltop or a piece of art,

It is the smell of fresh baked cookies and the taste of your favorite food melting in your mouth.

It is the feeling of a soft blanket as you curl up with a book, or the feeling of soft grass on a sunny day.

It is all of these things and more.

It is the part of you that allows you to yield and let the world in all of its beauty, move you. To Love the World.

And To Love Yourself.

So this Valentine’s day, honor your inner Lover by:

  • Grabbing a table for one at your favorite resaurant
  • Swaying to your favorite song
  • Lying on the ground and feeling the warmth of the carpet underneath
  • Go visit a Museum for your favorite subject
  • Have an orgasm! Either by yourself or otherwise someone else!

Or really anything else that tells your Inner Lover “Yes, I am important too.”

That is what is really the most important.

You are Royalty. Treat yourself as such.

If you have someone to share this special day with, that is great. Absolutely honor them as fellow your King or Queen by by doing any of the activities listed above, or more ideas of your own.

But first…

Love yourself.

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

If you have any questions you want answered, leave them in the comments below, and don’t forget to share on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or your other favorite sites if you know someone who needs to hear this message.

Much Love,

-King

6 Shortcomings of Current Sex Education (Part 2)

Good afternoon, fellow Kings and Queens. Earlier this week, we touched at the immense joy that having a fully-fleshed out sexual experience can do for an individual.

We also started talking about some of the greatest obstacles in the way of Americans receiving a kick-ass Education about sex. And when we can overcome those obstacles, that will in turn lead to a kick-ass healthy sexual society. As a Whole.

And I promise, more of the posts will be on the former, but first we have to diagnose the causes of pain before we can prescribe a remedy.

4) When Contraception IS Discussed, It is Not Shown Favorably

 Last time we spoke of Abstinence only education, and the actual damage that it can cause, against which it was originally supposed to protect.

Some schools however, are taking a brief moment to talk about other forms of contraceptive.

That’s good, right?

Well… Yes and no.

While some schools are taking the time to mention other contraceptives, like condoms or birth control, they are mostly glossing over the information, only to emphasize how INEFFECTIVE they are.

Schools may say “condoms are prone to breaking” or “XYZ contraceptive can cause fertility problems further down the road,” with a greater emphasis placed on abstinence in place of these other methods.

TO BE CLEAR…

These statements are simply not true.

Many contraceptives, when used properly, have an effectiveness rates between 90-99%, and even when used improperly, reduce your risk of pregnancy or STIs by 75% or more.

To liken to the metaphor from last installment, where we said abstinence only education was like sending our youth into battle without armor, this is again like teaching them briefly that “Armor and weaponry exists, but it wont save you from 100% of sword attacks, so forget that and charge forward bare-breasted into the world.”

There is a disconnect.

For those of you that see this, and wish to educate and defend yourselves, Bedsider.org has a great resource to visually observe what contraception options are out there, the pros and cons of each, and their effectiveness.

5) Stick of Gum

Let’s pop back in time a bit.

14 years.

On June 5, 2002 a forteen year old girl named Elizabeth Smart was abducted from her home in Utah, and held for nine months against her will, during which time she was repeatedly raped and threatened, until she was finally rescued by police on March 12, 2003.

Fast forward several years later, and Elizabeth is now an advocate for victims of human trafficking and abduction.

If you want to see a young lady that has faced her demons, learned to love herself, and grown into a Queen, look at Elizabeth Smart.

During one of her speaking engagements at Johns Hopkins (I’ve included her full speech here, but the moment I am focusing on starts at about the 10 minute mark), she mentions that when she was in school, she was taught that having sex before marriage was like being a chewed up piece of gum.

That if she engaged in sexual activities before marriage, she was automatically DEVALUED as a human being.

“And who is going to want [me] after that?”

Imagine the heartache that it must be for someone who, in a situation like that, has no control over what is happening to their body…

But the trauma does not just stop with Elizabeth Smart.

Countless metaphors taught all over the country illustrate how premarital sex makes them less valuable.

From a piece of tape that loses is “bonding power” after sticking to multiple people,

To even a pair of dirty sneakers…

How would you feel if you or your child were compared to a set of dirty sneakers?

The rhetoric that revolves around premarital sex is not only ineffective (the average age of first sexual contact is around 17), but is harmful for their continuing sense of self worth.

Sex should not be a Shameful activity.

One should be able to have a healthy sex life, and their sex and relationship with society or even spirituality can coexist peacefully.

Even flourish.

But this rhetoric around how Sex DEVALUES someone has to end,

and then we can all move towards a new understanding about what it means to be human.

 

6) There is No Talk of what a Healthy Relationship Looks Like

Just like how many young people turn to porn to learn about how sex is “supposed” to be, many others learn about what an ideal relationship is through…

you guessed it.

Film and television.

They see their teenage heartthrobs on screen, the passionate woahs of their high-and-low, on-and-off onscreen romance.

And they believe that is what a relationship is “supposed” to look like!

I am guilty of both.

A few years ago, I had a penchant for BDSM porn and a little TV show called “How I Met Your Mother,” during which a young man, in pursuit of finding his soul-mate, falls hopelessly in love with just about every woman he encounters. That was my templates for how my life should have been. 

If that seems like an odd combination, that’s because it IS.

And it didn’t work well for relationships either.

It wasn’t until I could separate what was fiction from reality, which included actually cutting back on my consumption of both material, that I could begin to have a healthy relationship.

Here’s the thing…

I had to discover it on my own. I was never taught the dynamics of a healthy relationship in school.

And I would guess to say that many of you didn’t either.

If your High School was anything like mine (And keep in mind that I went to one of the largest, most progressive schools in the state of Texas) the only real talk about relationships we received was for the week in Health Class freshman year, when they teach you “Having sex will put unnecessary strain on your relationship.”

That was it.

And while I agree that there is definitely some wisdom in waiting until you are mature enough to process the feelings that will inevitably go along with sexual exploration, a more thorough explanation is merited for teens and young adults.

Explanation that includes:

“Should you choose to have sex, here is what a healthy approach to it might look like.”

“This is what informed, enthusiastic consent looks like.”

“Acknowledge the fact that your partner is human. They are not perfect. Have patience for them.”

And on…

Sex, as it is today, is simply taught as a barrier to a healthy relationship. Not only is that not true, but can help bolster and strengthen a healthy relationship…

IF we know what a healthy relationship looks like.

That is where it starts.

This list is far from comprehensive, and is so far only limited to MY perspective and experience. There are issues of LGBTQ inclusiveness that I haven’t covered, and countless more.

The truth is, I could write a dozen Blog posts over each and every one of these.

That will come with time.

For now though, I think this is a good start.

If we as a society can tackle some of the issues presented here, with the overall health and happiness of our youth in mind, we can start to move towards a society brimming full of Kings and Queens that are excited to share their love with the world.

If you think this will add value to somebody: Like, Comment, or Share to spread the Love.

And if you have any topics in particular you want covered, or questions you would like answered, drop it down in the comments below or contact me through the portal here, and I will work on an answer for you.

Much Love,

King