5 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life This Month

Hello Kings and Queens!

It is an amazing time to be alive! It really is.

If you are reading this, chances are you live in one of the greatest nations in the world today. Chances are you have clean water, fresh food, shelter, and a source of income that can afford you all of that.

But that doesn’t mean any of it comes easy.

For all of the joys that modern society has allowed us, it also comes with the tradeoff of certain stressors.

Maybe your job is working long hours for work that you don’t enjoy. Maybe you have children that, even though you love them, drive you up a wall. Maybe that nice house comes with a mortgage that is draining you dry.

In addition to many of these external stressors, we often battle our own insecurities on a daily basis.

With all of this going on, it can be hard to make room for some sexy times with your one-and-only (or multiples-and-many). It can seem like sex is just one more thing to add to the list, and we would often either ignore it, or give it the minimal attention required.

Sometimes we feel pressured from our significant other to want to perform, because we don’t want them to feel unimportant. And this stress only makes things worse.

But!

There are solutions you can take that, while maybe not fix everything tonight, may help set you on a path to making sex actually sexy again. Over the course of time.

Here are 5 options you can choose to help improve your sex life over the next month.

  1. Create a Want/Will/Won’t List

    Part of the reason that sex with your partner is stressing you out may be because it is not the right type of sex for you, or the type of sex you want. My advice is to create a Want/Will/Won’t List. The premise is simple. Get a sheet of paper (or posterboard, whiteboard, or an entire wall) and divide it into three sections: what you WANT to do more of in bed; what you’re WILLING to do with your partner, but isn’t at the top of your list; and what you definitely WILL NOT do on a boat, with a goat, in your bed, or in your head. Try to create 30 activities for each list. If you feel like you can’t come up with 30 of each, try breaking down some of your bigger categories into smaller ones (Butt Stuff could be broken down into: Giving [Her], Giving [Him], Receiving [Her], Recieving [Him], Fingers, Vibes, Tails, Plugs, Penises, Pegging, and many many more!). You and your partner each make one, then discuss, and be open. Get into the details of exactly what you want, will, and won’t. It’s your sex life, don’t be afraid to be specific!

  2. Go it Solo for a While

    Sometimes it may help when you feel a lot of pressure to want to have sex with your partner, to try removing your partner from the situation for a while. Make an event of it!  Play some relaxing music, light some candles. Take a hot bath or shower to warm up beforehand. And then, when you are good and ready, take your hand (or dildo, vibrator, fifi, or whatever) and go to town. The same elements that make a romantic date with a partner also make a romantic date with yourself. Take this moment to reconnect with what makes you sexy. Remind yourself about all of the reasons you are amazing. Love the way your hair looks tonight. Enjoy the curve of your own body. After some practice here, you may find it easier to bring these feelings back to your lover, who I promise will be eagerly waiting.

  3. Play (Other sex activity/Dont focus on orgasm)

    When it comes to sex, we have a tendency to slip into the trap of becoming goal oriented. They treat sex like a competition, and if they if orgasm isn’t reached, they are losing. But having sex with orgasm as the goal is a lot like being on The Biggest Loser. As soon as you make the act a competition, you change the rules. You begin to play the game, instead of just play to play. In the Biggest Loser, this leads to stress that will either hinder your results, or send you backwards in your progress. Or you see improvement short term, but it is not sustainable. In Sex, all the same rules apply. Instead, when it comes time for you and your lover to get frisky, instead of playing the game of orgasm, play for the pure joy of playing. Explore each other’s bodies, try something new, make some funny noises. Most importantly, HAVE FUN.

  4. Sleep

    If you don’t know or acknowledge all of the research to support getting adequate sleep each night, I’m not going to list it here now. Look it up yourself and get enough sleep to feel energized the next day. I am serious. I know the world is tugging you in a million different directions, and it seems impossible to fit in more time for sleep. But those issues will still be there in the morning. The question you need to ask yourself is, will you still be if you don’t allow yourself time to rest? You make sure to get enough sleep over the course of a month, and you will see your energy levels,  problem solving abilities, and yes, your sex life drastically improve.

  5. Fast from Sex

    Counter-intuitively, my last suggestion is to take a break from sex entirely. It doesn’t have to be a month. It can be a few days, or a week, or two weeks. But allow yourself time to step back. Every major world religion has some form of Fasting: Islam has Ramadan, Christianity has Lent, and the Bahai Faith just started their 19-day Fast yesterday. The point of a fast is to step back from the thing, gain some perspective on it, and be able to come back to it with a renewed appreciation. When you Fast from eating, you come to your next meal more thankful for it being there. When you fast from sex, you may just enter your next sexual encounter with a little more appreciation for your partner. Many people already do this when one partner goes out of town for a few days or weeks; the absence “makes the heart grow fonder,” and when they finally come back in town… FIREWORKS!  Give it a try. Take a break, but still notice and love and appreciate your partner’s presence, and then when you are ready, come back to them. You might be surprised.

I hope these tips to improve your sex life help. Again, these are not “Quick-Fixes” and aren’t even really “techniques,” but they are behaviors that, given some time, can help you bring a little fire back into your sex life. You Kings and Queens deserve it.

If you have any other questions you want answered, go ahead and drop them in the comments section below, and if you like this post or think someone else could find value in it, go ahead and hit the like button and share on Social Media.

Much Love,

King

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Who is this “King” Anyway? (Part 2)

Hello, Kings and Queens!

On Thursday I posted Part 1 of my personal history, about my formative years that have begun to lead me down my current path. Today we are continuing that saga, talking about the next hurdles I had to overcome in my development before I decided, “Hey, I want to teach SEX for a living.”

Late College Years (AKA: You’re an Asshole)

Understand that before I go any further, there is some overlap in the timeline from the last section into this one. For about a 1-2 years into this phase, I was trying to change and find a lasting approach to finding a partner, but I was still approaching it from the pickup artist mentality. I don’t truly step out of that phase entirely until the end of the Asshole Years here.

Toward the end of my freshman year of college, I had a girlfriend with whom I had my first experience with Intercourse. We had our time together, and then we ended.

I was upset.

Then I moved on.

And as I moved on, and began dating again, I noticed that some of the other girls I was dating had some similar trends.

While I was entirely FASCINATED with learning all I could about sex (even if only to try to be the ego-fueled “rockstar lover”), the people that I was seeing had very conflicting views, or there were things that I was taught or learned that they had never heard before.

And I began to notice a gap.

Both between what I knew and they didn’t, but also between what we both should have known, but didn’t.

This gap didn’t make sense to me.

So I set out to help educate the girls I was with.

But keep in mind, I was still using a “Pickup Artist” mindset, which only meant trying to manipulate external behaviors to get a surface result.

Now not only was I manipulating to get someone into bed, but now I was manipulating them once there. To what I wanted.

If you think this wreaked havoc for more than one relationship, you’d be right.

This is why I call this point in my life the Asshole Years.

The Loneliest Christmas Ever (It gets better, I Promise)

It all came to a head when one particularly tumultuous relationship ended a week before Christmas, two years ago.

I was shattered.

Then, on Christmas Eve, I had a breakthrough.

I will probably cover it in more detail at a future date, but it was this Christmas that I realized I needed to change me.

Not in a self-judgmental way, but with compassion.

And I realized that I had to treat all of my future significant others with that same compassion.

The “Secret” to finding the girl of your dreams isn’t some set of the right words, or the right cologne with pheromones to try to catch her attention.

The Secret is to be compassionate with your partner.

So I made some changes. To me. And it worked

Less than five months after having this epiphany, I met my current girlfriend of now two-years. And I have never been happier.

Because I show her compassion, even when it means I may not get what I want.

I hope some of what I said has resonated with you.

Maybe you’ve been through a similar experience,or maybe you were on the opposite end of my experience.

Maybe you’re searching for the partner of your dreams, but don’t like the shallow approach so many magazines and articles tout as the solution.

So much suffering is caused by a lack of proper information.

Such a lack greatly influenced me and my partners, though not always in a positive way. Sometimes, that left suffering in its wake.

My mission with this channel is to try to end that suffering, by educating people both with scientific fact, as well as my own experience to serve as an example.

Do I have specific qualifications? No, not yet.

But I want to make sure that nobody else has to suffer because they didn’t know any better.

And I hope you’ll join me.

 

 

If you liked this article, or know somebody that could gain value from it, please press the like button and share on social media. Also, check out my Youtube Channel. And If you have any suggestions or questions for future topics, please sound off in the comments section below.

 

Much Love,

King.

How to Connect with your Lover this Valentine’s Day

Kings and Queens,

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A day dedicated to celebrating your lover and all of the warmth and joy that they bring to your life.

A day where you pull out all of the stops to make your lover know how important they are in your life.

This day as a celebration of Lovers dates back to 3rd Century Rome, where a Catholic Priest, Valentine, performed marriages in secret, despite laws that forbade marriage at the time.

But this post is not exactly about romantic love with a partner.

No, the roots of this day go even deeper.

Further than any singular historical event, the roots of Valentine’s day lie within each of us.

We all have this innate desire to love and be loved in return. To experience joy in the world, through the world, and within and through ourselves.

I call this drive… This desire…

The Lover Energy.

This is one of four major archetypal energies that Robert Moore PhD claims is present in all of our psychology (The others being the King, Warrior, and Magician. We will cover these more later). They are patterns that have shown themselves evident through countless telling and retelling of stories through cultures around the world.

Every culture has a story or stories of the Lover.

Because there is a Lover in all of us.

And with Valentine’s Day around the corner, what better time may there be to nurture and give thanks to the Lover Within?

How might I do this, you ask?

Maybe you’re not the romantic type, and maybe buying roses for yourself or getting dinner for one seems a little weird. Especially if you’re single this Valentine’s Day.

But it doesnt have to be.

The Lover Energy, in addition to being the energy that connects you to another person, also allows you to connect with the entire world.

It is what allows you to empathize with a friend or stranger, and share their experience.

It is what allows you to close your eyes and sway to your favorite song.

It is what allows you to appreciate the beauty of a gorgeous sunset from a hilltop or a piece of art,

It is the smell of fresh baked cookies and the taste of your favorite food melting in your mouth.

It is the feeling of a soft blanket as you curl up with a book, or the feeling of soft grass on a sunny day.

It is all of these things and more.

It is the part of you that allows you to yield and let the world in all of its beauty, move you. To Love the World.

And To Love Yourself.

So this Valentine’s day, honor your inner Lover by:

  • Grabbing a table for one at your favorite resaurant
  • Swaying to your favorite song
  • Lying on the ground and feeling the warmth of the carpet underneath
  • Go visit a Museum for your favorite subject
  • Have an orgasm! Either by yourself or otherwise someone else!

Or really anything else that tells your Inner Lover “Yes, I am important too.”

That is what is really the most important.

You are Royalty. Treat yourself as such.

If you have someone to share this special day with, that is great. Absolutely honor them as fellow your King or Queen by by doing any of the activities listed above, or more ideas of your own.

But first…

Love yourself.

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

If you have any questions you want answered, leave them in the comments below, and don’t forget to share on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or your other favorite sites if you know someone who needs to hear this message.

Much Love,

-King

Welcome to Kingly Love

Hello, everybody. My name is Kincaid; my friends call me King for short, and this is Kingly Love. In this series, we are going to discuss SEX. That’s right, I said it. The S-E-X word.  We are going to be discussing this -what I consider not only necessary, but fun- topic from all sides and angles: sex, dating, relationships, being single, the biological and anatomical, social, psychological, ethical, philosophical, spiritual, and more -als if we can think of any. (Ha! More-als! Get it?)

On top of simple how-tos and tips and tricks, and topic-based educational pieces, I’ll also be infusing a little of my own life experience along the way, sharing with you my personal philosophies and worldview as I work to broaden your horizons as well as my own.

To preface, and get it out of the way now, I am not, nor have I ever been or claim to be of material royal lineage (I am about as far removed from the Queen of England as a toothbrush). I do however, that each and every one of us has the potential within them to be the King and Queen of their realm. Of their life. And while there are many things that a King or Queen must be: a fierce leader, a generative creator, a wise-confidant; and we will cover all of those points and more, this series will focus primarily on becoming an expressive and healthy lover. (You know that personal philosophy I mentioned earlier? That’s the tip of the iceberg.)

So come on this journey with me, and together we will explore how much wonderful diversity is really out there, answer some of the tough questions, and learn a little bit about plugging objects into holes.

If you have any topic suggestions, or questions you want answered, leave them down in the comments below, and we can continue to crown ourselves.

Much Love,

King