Hello Kings and Queens!
It is an amazing time to be alive! It really is.
If you are reading this, chances are you live in one of the greatest nations in the world today. Chances are you have clean water, fresh food, shelter, and a source of income that can afford you all of that.
But that doesn’t mean any of it comes easy.
For all of the joys that modern society has allowed us, it also comes with the tradeoff of certain stressors.
Maybe your job is working long hours for work that you don’t enjoy. Maybe you have children that, even though you love them, drive you up a wall. Maybe that nice house comes with a mortgage that is draining you dry.
In addition to many of these external stressors, we often battle our own insecurities on a daily basis.
With all of this going on, it can be hard to make room for some sexy times with your one-and-only (or multiples-and-many). It can seem like sex is just one more thing to add to the list, and we would often either ignore it, or give it the minimal attention required.
Sometimes we feel pressured from our significant other to want to perform, because we don’t want them to feel unimportant. And this stress only makes things worse.
There are solutions you can take that, while maybe not fix everything tonight, may help set you on a path to making sex actually sexy again. Over the course of time.
Here are 5 options you can choose to help improve your sex life over the next month.
Create a Want/Will/Won’t List
Part of the reason that sex with your partner is stressing you out may be because it is not the right type of sex for you, or the type of sex you want. My advice is to create a Want/Will/Won’t List. The premise is simple. Get a sheet of paper (or posterboard, whiteboard, or an entire wall) and divide it into three sections: what you WANT to do more of in bed; what you’re WILLING to do with your partner, but isn’t at the top of your list; and what you definitely WILL NOT do on a boat, with a goat, in your bed, or in your head. Try to create 30 activities for each list. If you feel like you can’t come up with 30 of each, try breaking down some of your bigger categories into smaller ones (Butt Stuff could be broken down into: Giving [Her], Giving [Him], Receiving [Her], Recieving [Him], Fingers, Vibes, Tails, Plugs, Penises, Pegging, and many many more!). You and your partner each make one, then discuss, and be open. Get into the details of exactly what you want, will, and won’t. It’s your sex life, don’t be afraid to be specific!
Go it Solo for a While
Sometimes it may help when you feel a lot of pressure to want to have sex with your partner, to try removing your partner from the situation for a while. Make an event of it! Play some relaxing music, light some candles. Take a hot bath or shower to warm up beforehand. And then, when you are good and ready, take your hand (or dildo, vibrator, fifi, or whatever) and go to town. The same elements that make a romantic date with a partner also make a romantic date with yourself. Take this moment to reconnect with what makes you sexy. Remind yourself about all of the reasons you are amazing. Love the way your hair looks tonight. Enjoy the curve of your own body. After some practice here, you may find it easier to bring these feelings back to your lover, who I promise will be eagerly waiting.
Play (Other sex activity/Dont focus on orgasm)
When it comes to sex, we have a tendency to slip into the trap of becoming goal oriented. They treat sex like a competition, and if they if orgasm isn’t reached, they are losing. But having sex with orgasm as the goal is a lot like being on The Biggest Loser. As soon as you make the act a competition, you change the rules. You begin to play the game, instead of just play to play. In the Biggest Loser, this leads to stress that will either hinder your results, or send you backwards in your progress. Or you see improvement short term, but it is not sustainable. In Sex, all the same rules apply. Instead, when it comes time for you and your lover to get frisky, instead of playing the game of orgasm, play for the pure joy of playing. Explore each other’s bodies, try something new, make some funny noises. Most importantly, HAVE FUN.
If you don’t know or acknowledge all of the research to support getting adequate sleep each night, I’m not going to list it here now. Look it up yourself and get enough sleep to feel energized the next day. I am serious. I know the world is tugging you in a million different directions, and it seems impossible to fit in more time for sleep. But those issues will still be there in the morning. The question you need to ask yourself is, will you still be if you don’t allow yourself time to rest? You make sure to get enough sleep over the course of a month, and you will see your energy levels, problem solving abilities, and yes, your sex life drastically improve.
Fast from Sex
Counter-intuitively, my last suggestion is to take a break from sex entirely. It doesn’t have to be a month. It can be a few days, or a week, or two weeks. But allow yourself time to step back. Every major world religion has some form of Fasting: Islam has Ramadan, Christianity has Lent, and the Bahai Faith just started their 19-day Fast yesterday. The point of a fast is to step back from the thing, gain some perspective on it, and be able to come back to it with a renewed appreciation. When you Fast from eating, you come to your next meal more thankful for it being there. When you fast from sex, you may just enter your next sexual encounter with a little more appreciation for your partner. Many people already do this when one partner goes out of town for a few days or weeks; the absence “makes the heart grow fonder,” and when they finally come back in town… FIREWORKS! Give it a try. Take a break, but still notice and love and appreciate your partner’s presence, and then when you are ready, come back to them. You might be surprised.
I hope these tips to improve your sex life help. Again, these are not “Quick-Fixes” and aren’t even really “techniques,” but they are behaviors that, given some time, can help you bring a little fire back into your sex life. You Kings and Queens deserve it.
If you have any other questions you want answered, go ahead and drop them in the comments section below, and if you like this post or think someone else could find value in it, go ahead and hit the like button and share on Social Media.